TRIGGER WARNING POST CONTAINS MENTION OF FEMALE REPRODUCTION BLOOD THERAPY AND PTSD
Last week I began hemorrhaging via my uterus, I have been struggling for years but it has now progressed to lethal hemorrhaging.
I proceeded to the ER , alone because of covid, soaking through an adult diaper type thing every 2 hours.
My blood test showed a hemoglobin of 100 (very bare minimum of normal)
I was told I’d have to wait 4 hours in the waiting room to retest just in case, I was hemorrhaging, and I could not keep my head up or eyes open without almost blacking out, talking was a struggle, in fact it was confirmed I had fainted that morning, but was refused a bed so I went home.
I was offered no medication to stop the bleeding,even after I made it clear I have been suffering blood loss, anemia requiring IV treatment and large fibroids for years, also that I’m at the top of the list for a hysterectomy once surgeries are allowed.
“I began hemorrhaging via my uterus”, that statement evokes severe anxiety now, it haunts me to my core.
I have PTSD from a few things, anxiety that when triggered I’ve been a danger to myself and others, like the feeling the millisecond before I flew out of the car in my MVA 30 years ago evokes, that has led me to grab the steering wheel out from drivers or to reach for the car door handle to jump.
Mere seconds my brain has to feel the trigger and react, good or bad, and I’ve been there more times then I can count.
Now this will most likely be another trigger,in the ER I put down hemmoraging as my visit reason, a few minutes later a male nurse came up and asked were was I hemmoraging, basicly the conversation led to me being directed to say hemorrhaging from my uterus, as it could mean something serious like bleeding out from a wound, not my period, so I need to make that clear.
He wasn’t rude at all ,in the moment I agreed to a certain degree, period blood surely is not the same as being stabbed, he wasn’t wrong but I’d come to find out, not clearly right either.
My OBGYN contacted me the next day with meds to slow the flow and 3x the dose of oral iron, and orders to not stand unless to use the bathroom.
I spent the week blacking out 90% of the time, some days I’d think I was feeling better only to feel worse again, walking to the bathroom was torture, I crawled most of the time and avoided drinking or eating too much to limit the amount of time I’d need to go, home alone because Mr D and I know all my appointments and post surgery recovery will suck up the time off of work available to him and we are in lockdown no one can come over.
The whole I’m not really “hemorrhaging” thing kept ringing in my head between the literal swooshing loud heartbeat in there, a tell-tale sign of blood loss, while holding on to tomorrow to be better.
7 days later never better, back to the ER via ambulance because I began to lose cognitive function, I was confused,talking oddly,and lost control of walking briefly as I was struggling to get ready to have Mr D take me again, I knew something was wrong, in that moment my inner voice screamed you’re not ok.
Upon arrival they hooked up IV, gave me pain meds for the relentless migraine I had all week ontop of the non stop swooshing heartbeat sound and drew blood.
From the brief conversation I had with the doctor I knew blood transfusions was looking like the treatment most likely if my hemoglobin got as low as 70, I didn’t want it and I began to sob, he said let’s wait for the blood test and talk options
What should have taken an hour felt like minutes, , the doctor walked back in to tell me the results as I was heading to the bathroom, he asked me if I could wait please he was getting a nurse, I knew it was bad.
My hemoglobin was 46!!! FORTY SIX, at 70 they do a blood transfusion!! 100 is the bottom of normal, I was 46, I burst into tears.………………………………
I was lucky I hadn’t slipped into a coma, and they couldn’t believe I was alert and talking, and now the option of blood was no longer an option, I needed two units to save my life.
The units brought me to 74 ,still in the danger zone but not life threatening like when I arrived, they printed off my pre and post transfusion bloodwork so I could have a copy, I find myself staring at the line under my hemoglobin result, the word CRITICAL hits me like a punch to the gut every time, my IV blood pump also had the word CRITICAL dancing across it.
My doctor and team of 3 nurse’s were amazing, through my sobs of being told how sick I was to their watchful eyes every 15 minutes to watch for transfusion rejection and that I didn’t faint when standing up.
I was released when I was stable, he considered admitting me but I’m sure between covid and I had an out of town appointment at a cancer center in the morning, an appointment I needed to make for a second opinion and hopefully an emergency hysterectomy, an appointment I would never have made it to if I hesitated for a second to go back to the ER that morning.
Covid unfortunately does not even spare me, no surgey means even me, however now that it stepped over the boundary of life or death both my OBGYN and an oncologist OBGYN are hoping a consideration will be made,sadly not even cancer gets you a surgery pass these days, I’m saddened by the constant human interest stories locally pleading their cancer cases to the media,as well as my own doctors telling me it truly is as bad as it gets.
Speaking of emergency hysterectomy,I came to find out if I was actively bleeding and my hemoglobin crashed *which it did but I was sent home from the 1st ER visit * I’d most likely have had one that day,no guarantee but that is an example of emergency life or death surgery exemptions for surgery.
I’m sharing because #thankstoallwhosharetheirstories they have saved my mental health, and well now literally my life.
I wrote this in the dark after coming home, on mother’s day, from life saving blood and sleeping all day to maybe help “you” reading this and for me, to make sense of it all, when it is posted is to be determined.
I’ve had issues with reproductive health since I was a teenager, in fact my 4 children were never to exist, I was told even if by chance I conceived I’d not be able to carry to term.
I’ve got this I tell myself daily, even if I’m strong because there is no choice, I’ve been here before, I AM FIERCE, I can now add surviving uterine hemorrhaging to my super powers, which btw obviously CAN BE like being stabbed.
They told me in those 2 days of my “period” I lost 2 to 3 liters of blood, half ish of what a human body holds and needs to survive, believe me when I say it was a non stop blood bath and the past week I now know my body was in shock and shutting down,
If you find yourself in the same scenario please seek medical attention and advocate for treatment beyond a heavy period. My fellow fibroid sisters, you are NOT ALONE
Mr D thought our youngest’s birth was bad when the cord snapped, I’m pretty sure he will be glad when not a drop of blood is found in this house again.
I almost accepted this happening on mother’s day as a bad omen, but it happened exactly when it should have, the day to remind me of my 4 miracles, the struggles I’ve overcome even when at the time seemed impossible.
Lately I’ve been in self pitty mode ,asking how many stories one lifetime needs, today I am grateful for yet another alive after a close call story, it’s my life book and that’s that.
Also thank you to my donors, THANK YOU for being part of my story, THANK YOU everyone who donates blood!