MY RAINBOW IS DULL

my rainbow

Looking back it’s been awhile since I’ve posted or read other’s posts!

I get notifications for many blogs in my email on my phone, and I thought about hitting the like button but then thought no, I must read it all first, promising myself soon I’ll jump on my computer or laptop and do so, but not quite making it there.
I manage to use IG via my phone and couch island so it’s been nice keeping in touch with those on it.

I’ve not been feeling the greatest this year, one thing or the other has got me down. I have not crafted much but have kept up with my journal at least, and some good news a few weeks ago,my little one’s collar-bone while not healed totally, is healing just fine.

I’m not sure if it’s the weather, the events of life so far this year, my health , or the combination of it all that has me so down and unable to shake it, Oh Canada how I love you but hate your winters, I know it doesn’t help me!

I did manage a few st Patrick’s Day, “green”  inspired projects that I hope to share later this week, nothing big unfortunately.

Hubz is half Irish and we have in the past attended St Patrick’s Day celebrations, while they were so much fun and my birthday is the 15th, I havent been able to do those types of things in many years. My upcoming birthday and St Patty’s will be celebrated at home with my family, fur babies and take out, these fur babies are 1000% my comfort in all of this,in fact I have been slowly been working on a slide show of all their pictures set to music, including the 3 we have lost from 2016 to 2019.

Also thank the universe for Netflix, Amazon Prime, warm comfy jammies’ my couch island, and our electric fireplaces throughout the house. I also have the pleasure of having blood drawn on my birthday to see if my body is expelling the iron I received via transfusion in October, yay me!…ok that sounds a little self pittyish..sorry , I know it could be worse, but the doctor doesnt seem confient my body has absorbed it long term, so any little hope I may have had is out the door, but I’ll know for sure in a few weeks the results.

Part of what “sucks to be me” is that eating out is next to impossible with my health issues, I don’t think I’ve said it out loud here before, but reading  fellow bloggers journeys with chronic and auto immune disorders, we often are called spoonies!,has me feeling “brave” at the moment, I have IBS -D! 

 Lets just say when I eat ,often its like I am instantly struck with stomach flu-like symptoms, all the worst ones if you catch my drift.
It along with my other health issues has ruined my social life and robbed me of my true personality, it’s a struggle to accept, I do my best which isn’t always gratifying.

I have joined dozens of support groups for IBS and my other ailments, in hopes of  info to try new things  to hopefully find a “cure” but dealing with this and all the “treatments” for many (many) years no amount of support groups or fellow sufferers gives me hope anymore.
They do however give me strength to try to smile, sometimes cry, through it all, so thank you fellow chronic illness and immune disorder warriors for your blogs, I love and need them as much as my fellow crafters blogs.
I didn’t realize this when I started blogging, I wanted so bad to have the leftovers of my true personality shine only and I think pushing for that made me feel worse.

I’m sorry to my followers who are here for crafty ideas, I will always share those still, but sometimes not, sometimes I cant even stop in to say hello on my own blog or yours, sometimes like today, I have to say out loud how my rainbow is dull, I hope everyone understands the human side of me, of us all.

Here is a poem I wrote awhile back, the words are dark but please understand fighting auto immune disorders, with a novel full of symptoms and only a handful of potential “treatments” leaves ones soul lost and dark.

I hope it makes sense, I often write at my lowest points and emotions overshadow proper wording.
I have pulled up some of my other poems from when I was first diagnosed as well as some other poems…perhaps I’ll share soemtime too.

Thanks for stopping in and reading, it was done mostly on my phone so I apologize for typos.

                                                                  THE STORM

Like a storm in my chest, the waves crash and the lightning strikes…………….

 

Every time a little more destruction falls upon my heart

Bits and pieces are ripped away and I’m torn apart

 

Like the calm after the storm life goes on, I inhale, I exhale

But the storm has weakened things and everything’s now so frail.

 

I know another one’s coming I just don’t know when

It’s part of my world, I inhale and exhale until then

 

The storm moves in, it takes its place inside my chest

I live within it, I ride it out, I do my best

 

The black skies like hell, blocking vision’s of heaven

My smile, a dull rainbow ,down to six colours from seven

 

My tears like raindrops on a foggy window

My whimpers like lighting in the distance

The screams in my head like thunder delivering its blow

 

The storm rips through me like a blindsided attack

I inhale, I exhale

I inhale, I exhale….

everything goes black!
Dandelion B 2017

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2 comments

  1. I was wondering where you went. So sorry to read about your health issues. I know what you mean when you say thank you for Netflix, amazon and pajamas inside where its warm. I do hope the flowers and rainbows start coming out soon in your world. Winter is not my favorite time either, except for the Holiday celebrations of course. Just heal, do what makes you happy and if you need to vent…vent, Crafts and other DIY projects to post on will happen or not, just do what makes you happy. Have a great weekend and fun with your family. A good movie to watch sounds really nice right now. Also, beautiful poem you wrote, lets hope you start feeling a lot better soon.

    Like

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